Undisciplined Read online

  SMACK!

  "Twenty."

  "Stop! Please, please, stop, I’m sorry! I'll be good, I promise, I'll-"

  SMACK!

  "Twe-twenty one," Cordelia stammered out. Gabrielle barely heard her as she screamed into the seat of the chair.

  She took in a breath, expecting another blow, but it didn’t come and for a moment her heart soared with hope.

  "We appreciate the apology, Gabrielle, but that does not mitigate your punishment.” The Marquess’ voice was firm and unyielding, and Gabrielle’s heart broke. “What kind of example would I be setting if I did not follow through with my word?"

  SMACK!

  "Twenty two."

  Gabrielle screamed again, her incoherent begging spilling from her mouth without thinking. Any pride she’d had left was gone – she would do anything to stop the spanking. She was so, so sorry that she’d even gone shopping today. She would never, ever, ever, buy anything without Cordelia’s permission again. It wasn’t worth it.

  As usual, she was not in control of her life, and it was pointless to pretend otherwise.

  After the twenty-fifth swat, Gabrielle collapsed against the chair, sobbing piteously, until suddenly her stepmother was there, pulling Gabrielle into her arms. The warmth of her embrace and the need that Gabrielle felt for that comforting contact had her crying even harder. This part of punishment, Gabrielle remembered and didn’t hate. Nanny had always held her after a spanking, letting her cry it out. She was shocked to have a positive memory of being punished, even as her bottom throbbed harshly. The fabric of her drawers felt like sandpaper against her sensitive skin.

  She’d certainly never been paddled before and the wooden instrument had burned her backside. She cried into Cordelia’s shoulder, taking the comfort that she could, clinging to the human contact, completely wrung out and not caring who was providing the comfort.

  "You did very well, Gabrielle," the Marquess said, and she could hear the sincerity in his voice. What she couldn’t understand was why it made her feel better. Why she suddenly felt warm from the inside out. He had just spanked her! She’d hated every second of it, she’d hated him… and yet she found herself feeling uplifted by his praise. "I'm very impressed at how well you took your first spanking."

  Cordelia rubbed Gabrielle’s back, making comforting noises as Gabrielle’s tears slowed. When Gabrielle felt she had control of herself, she stepped back. She couldn’t understand why she wanted comfort from the very people who had just humiliated and punished her. Cordelia had counted out every one of the strokes that the wooden paddle had landed on Gabrielle’s buttocks, she had sat there and done nothing while Gabrielle cried and begged for it to stop… but now Gabrielle wanted her hugs and she’d warmed to the Marquess’ praise. She’d felt so alone and abandoned during the spanking and now she felt brutally confused by the sudden change in her emotions.

  What was wrong with her?

  "Do you have anything you'd like to say to Lady Dunbury?" Philip asked, his voice prodding.

  "Please, I'd prefer it if she call me Cordelia," Cordelia said, looking up at the Marquess earnestly. "I've always thought of Gabrielle as more of a younger sister than anything else, and I would like that to continue."

  "Very well."

  More confused than ever, Gabrielle felt truly contrite. Did Cordelia actually see her as a younger sister? She’d always felt that Cordelia tolerated her, felt responsible for her… but a younger sister was more than that. Gabrielle didn’t know how to feel anymore.

  "I'm sorry for my behavior today," she said softly, knowing it was expected of her, wanting to get away from the room so that she could allow her emotions to settle. Try to discern why she felt the way she did. "It won't happen again." That was certainly true. She would never go behind Cordelia’s back like that ever again. The price wasn’t worth it.

  As Gabrielle swayed slightly on her feet, the Marquess called Molly back to return Gabrielle to her room. She clung to the maid on the way back to the room, even more thankful it was Molly and not Bonnie who was assisting her.

  “It’s alright, Miss,” Molly said sympathetically. “The worst is over now.”

  “Could you hear everything?” Gabrielle asked hoarsely, her throat feeling sore from all the screaming and crying she’d done.

  Molly hesitated, then patted Gabrielle’s hand. “Yes Miss, but no one else was in the hall, and I won’t tell nobody neither.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Let’s get you into bed… would you like my girls to visit with you tomorrow?”

  “Maybe.” She loved spending time with Molly’s daughters, they were sweethearts at eight and ten and loved practicing doing Gabrielle’s hair, but she didn’t know if she’d be up to any visitors tomorrow. Her bottom burned and her emotions were roiling.

  On one hand, she was furious that Cordelia had allowed the Marquess to spank her. On the other, she knew that there was truly nothing Cordelia could have done to stop him. She was still flummoxed by Cordelia’s assertion that she saw Gabrielle as a sister, and bewildered by her happiness that the Marquess had complimented her after the punishment, even as she was enraged at him for delivering it.

  ******

  At breakfast the next day, Gabrielle’s confusion cleared. The Marquess gave Cordelia everything she’d wanted but hadn’t purchased yesterday. There was nothing for Gabrielle but hard looks and a complete lack of sympathy as she squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. Although her bottom had stopped burning, the deeper soreness still lingered, reminding her that yesterday she’d been disciplined… but then she’d also been cared for, comforted, and praised.

  Today she was ignored, brushed aside, and unwanted in their happy little lovefest breakfast. So she ran to her room, unable to endure watching another minute of Cordelia fawning over her gifts while the Marquess stared at her like she was the only woman in the world. Gabrielle couldn’t remember anyone ever looking at her that way. Not even her own father. Although, he’d had a very similar expression whenever he’d looked at one of his wives, including Cordelia. Then, it was because they held the hope for his future, the hope to fulfill his desire to have a precious son. Now, the Marquess looked at Cordelia in a similar way, but it was different as well… as if she was his hope for the future and yet, something more too. It made Gabrielle’s heart ache with jealousy, and she’d quit the room before she could let her spite and bitterness lash out and earn her another spanking.

  She was learning, she thought bitterly, as she threw herself onto her bed, wallowing in her loneliness. Why she’d thought things might be different this morning, she didn’t know. She was still the outsider looking in on other’s lives, on other’s happiness, the way she’d always been and probably the way she’d always be.

  To her shock, Cordelia came to find her after breakfast. She was the last person Gabrielle wanted to see. She hadn’t wanted Cordelia to actually witness how upset she was, but Cordelia came in after knocking once, and Gabrielle didn’t have time get up off the bed.

  With her face buried in the pillow, she felt her temper rising as her supposed personal space was invaded by her stepmother.

  “Get out.”

  "Now, Gabrielle-"

  "Get out! I hate you!" Gabrielle finally looked up at Cordelia, her eyes red and swollen from crying and her face streaked with tears. "Why are you even in here? You've gotten everything you want! A husband who gives you presents and beats me!"

  "Gabrielle! He didn't beat you," Cordelia said, astonished. "I would never let him do such a thing."

  "You sat there and watched while he spanked me!"

  "You earned that spanking," Cordelia said, and Gabrielle didn’t even care if Cordelia was right. Cordelia was the one who had gotten her into trouble anyway. If she’d just kept quiet and not argued about the package, none of this would have happened. "And Philip is letting you keep everything you bought, which is very generous of him."

  "Oh, just get out. I knew you would side with him. I know how
much you hate me. You probably enjoyed watching him humiliate me." Gabrielle burst into noisy sobs again and buried her face back in her pillow, rolling away from Cordelia. She wanted to find the deepest, darkest hole in the world and crawl into it and never come out. She hated this house, she hated the Marquess, and she hated Cordelia. She didn’t care anymore if either of them liked her.

  "I don't hate you, Gabrielle," Cordelia said softly. "I never have. I only want what is best for you. I don't want to see you spanked again, and I didn't want to see it yesterday, but if you earn another spanking, I will be there for it. Not because I enjoy watching it, but so that you aren't alone. Things are going to be different now, but different doesn't have to mean bad."

  "Different." Gabrielle snorted, her voice bitter. "Good for you and horrid for me. Just get out, Cordelia. Go away and leave me alone."

  Curling into an even tighter ball, Gabrielle didn’t know if she felt relieved or even more lonely when Cordelia sighed and stood. Part of her wanted Cordelia to stay and keep trying. Another part of her wanted Cordelia to leave and never come back.

  "We'll be going for a ride this afternoon in Hyde Park. Philip wishes to take us out in his landau."

  "Lovely," Gabrielle said flatly. "Now leave. Please."

  Chapter 3

  Hyde Park

  "Your eyes sparkle like emeralds when you smile, please, my lady, bestow another upon us!"

  Gabrielle couldn't help but laugh at the outrageous antics of the young men flocked around the carriage. Her bottom was still tender, even on the cushioned seats of the carriage, but she didn't care. This was... lovely. The difference between this morning and this afternoon was like a paste gem to a real one. One looked well enough, but it was false and spotted, while the other was real and true and beautiful.

  The day was beautiful, the lords and ladies decorated the park like brightly colored birds, and the young gentlemen were paying attention to her. Her. Not Cordelia, who was seated right next to her. Wearing her new green walking gown and matching hat, Gabrielle knew that she looked lovely, although she didn’t think she would ever tire of hearing the gentlemen tell her so. Even better, they didn’t seem to require her to converse with them, so she needn’t fear saying the wrong thing. Just ask a few leading questions and they were more than happy to regale her on any topic, allowing her to nod and laugh, while quietly observing how other ladies handled themselves.

  "You shouldn't indulge them so much, they'll become greedy," said Lady Spencer, teasingly. The beautiful, buxom brunette had been introduced, along with her husband, the Earl of Spencer, and had immediately been drawn to Gabrielle's side. Her warm brown eyes were utterly guileless, and Gabrielle had immediately felt comfortable with her. Lord and Lady Petersham, who had arrived with the Spencers, were more interested in speaking with Cordelia and the Marquess. Gabrielle didn’t mind, she wasn’t particularly fond of Irene and she had a feeling it was mutual.

  "Lady Spencer, do not encourage her cruelty," one of the gentlemen, a handsome man with sandy blond hair who had been introduced as Lord Eckeridge, pleaded. "Miss Astley, we cannot help but be greedy for sights of such beauty, it would be a crime to hide your smiles away from the world."

  "Then you must tell me things to make me smile," Gabrielle said coyly, although her lips were still curved as she said it.

  Some part of her wondered how she could be so happy, when the cheeks of her bottom were still sore from being spanked and when she’d been so angry this morning... she glanced over at the Marquess, and to her shock, saw him looking at her with something like approval. Warmth blossomed in her chest, although she tried to push it down.

  Gabrielle's feelings towards the Marquess were unsettled to say the least. She was embarrassed, infuriated, but she was also thrilled that he’d just looked at her with approval. This morning she’d been sure he hated her, that she would never be happy, and that her life was going to be constant misery from that point onward.

  And so far it was the best afternoon of her life.

  She was still brutally confused by it all, but she was also determined to enjoy herself while she could. So she pushed away all her conflicting thoughts, turned her back on the Marquess and Cordelia, and focused on the gentlemen vying for her attentions, and the friendly regard of the Countess of Spencer. It was truly a lovely afternoon.

  ******

  Dinner at Dunbury House

  This was dreadful. Felix wondered if he was losing his mind. Unable to stay away, he’d come to Dunbury House for dinner. He hadn’t been able to think of anything but Miss Astley and Cordelia; worried that both thought him a brute. Now it was quite clear that Cordelia didn’t think so, but Miss Astley was certainly holding a grudge.

  No matter what words came out of his mouth, somehow they were always the wrong ones... and yet, there was something satisfying about prodding Gabrielle and watching her smolder. Seeing any kind of passionate response flaring up in her bright green eyes just spurred him forward... and the only way he received that response was by being his most charming.

  Which made no sense. Most women would hang on his every word - even Cordelia wasn't immune - but not Gabrielle. She was the picture of a well-bred young lady, wearing a cream colored dress that made her skin look like ivory, her light brown hair seem richer in color, and her green eyes even brighter. But then she’d open her mouth - she was sarcastic, witty, and occasionally rude, and for some reason he couldn't help but be fascinated by it. So he directed all of his comments at her, and watched her response to the most innocuous of conversational topics.

  "I was at the theater last night," he said, in response to one of Cordelia's questions. "It was quite stimulating. Everyone's already talking about Kean's Shylock." He tilted his head at Gabrielle. "Perhaps you'll be able to see him this Season, Miss Astley."

  The fire that lit up her eyes turned them to sparkling emeralds as her fingers tightened on her silverware. Why such a mundane comment would infuriate her, he had no idea, but he'd known it would before he'd said it.

  "I think that sounds lovely," Cordelia said, cutting off any response Gabrielle might have made. "I've always wanted to go to the theater."

  "Then we shall," Philip said, giving her an indulgent smile before shooting a warning glance at Felix. Felix smiled innocently back at him, but he knew his friend wasn't fooled - Philip knew that Felix was needling Gabrielle on purpose. He just couldn't fathom why or how to stop him, when Felix was doing nothing but making polite conversation. There was going to be an uncomfortable conversation to be had, once the ladies left them to their port, but Felix just couldn't stop himself.

  "You should absolutely wear that gown when you do, Miss Astley," he said, taking particular note of the delicate ribbon trim. "Lilac is already the fashionable color of the Season, did you know?"

  He could have sworn he heard her growl.

  ******

  The ladies departed for the drawing room while the footmen brought in the brandy decanter and glasses. Felix felt a tinge of loss as the door shut behind the ladies. There was just something invigorating about verbally sparring with Miss Astley. Unfortunately, Philip was definitely not as amused by their repartee.

  "Sorry, old chap," Felix said as he shrugged away Philip’s glower. "Something about the girl gets under my skin."

  "Well if I can't take you to task for not controlling yourself, how am I supposed to justify doing so to her?" Philip asked irritably.

  "I was nothing but charm and civility personified," Felix pointed out.

  "Especially after you realized how much it bothered her," Philip retorted dryly.

  Felix shrugged. He couldn’t help it… he liked seeing her green eyes flash. Was fascinated by the complexities of her personality. It was such a contrast, her almost friendliness with the servants against the way she bristled at a mere compliment from him. If he couldn’t inspire her passion in one way, then at least he could have this.

  She certainly didn’t react that way to anyone else. He’d se
en her charming, and now he knew that she had been acting, he’d seen her blank and withdrawn, and he much preferred her honest reactions to him. It was like getting a little glimpse at the real Gabrielle, and he hoped that it would help him figure her out. The fascination he had with her was new and strange to him, and he told himself it was just because she didn’t react like women normally did. He really had intended to charm her originally. It occurred to him that he was probably going to have to tender her an apology before she would accept any of his attempts to do so.

  Apologizing was not something he was very familiar with. Felix sighed.

  ******

  "I don't understand why you think Felix humiliated you," Cordelia said, rubbing her temples.

  Gabrielle felt just a small moment of guilt that she was causing Cordelia to have a headache, but that was quickly swept away by the fact that it was Cordelia's fault for having Mr. Hood to dinner anyway. And forcing Gabrielle to join them. Not only had she had to deal with her conflicting emotions about the Marquess, and face him despite her humiliation at his hands, but her lovely day had been ruined the moment she'd seen Mr. Hood's smug face.

  His smug, handsome, chiseled face, framed by that glorious black hair.

  Her stomach had dipped and then she'd flushed hot, wondering if he knew about the spanking she'd received from the Marquess. They were best friends after all, and Mr. Hood had threatened to spank her before. The way he looked at her, with that dark, knowing gaze, just made her feel even more vulnerable - and more sure that he knew something.

  It wasn't fair that such an awful man was so handsome. And he was devilishly handsome in his stark white and black attire, trimmed with gold to set off his dark good looks.

  "He was mocking me this entire evening," she seethed, venting her frustration now that she and Cordelia were alone. Thank goodness for the social niceties that sent the ladies to the drawing room after dinner while the men enjoyed their port and cigars. She didn't think she could have stood another second in discussion with the arrogant nodcock. Cynthia had taught her the word nodcock today and it sounded perfect to describe Mr. Hood. "You know very well that he threatened to beat me, but all evening he was prodding me and pointing out all my deficiencies!"